Beauty from Ashes

Only Jesus. Only Jesus can take what the enemy meant for destruction and death and bring freedom and life. Only Jesus frees us from the bonds of shame and guilt. Only Jesus uses something ugly for His Glory.

Eight weeks spent with three beautiful daughters of the King. Walking through His Word. Praying for His Spirit to move. Defeating lies and replacing them with Truth. So thankful to link arms with dear sisters as we made the steep climb, working through the mess of our past, experiencing anger and grief stuffed deep for years, and digging through the layers of lies to uncover the ugly truths about abortion. What an incredible journey it is. It’s hard work but the view from the top is breathtaking. Reading and praying God’s Word together, feeling His great love as He pours out His grace and forgiveness, releasing our sweet children into His arms. There is nothing like His freedom. Who the Son sets free is free indeed!

Surrendering the Secret is a powerful Bible Study that God uses to set women free from the pain of abortion. Through it, Jesus rescued me from 20+ years of shame and I have been honored to walk through it with others and see God help them to step out of the shadows and share their stories so that more women (and men) might experience hope and healing.

If you are alone in your secrets, please reach out. I would love to hear your story, tell you mine, and walk the healing journey with you. You are not alone!

Here’s a bit of my walk in a podcast... https://www.buzzsprout.com/1449583/7925434-episode-7-abortion-robin-s-story

You can learn more about the study at https://surrenderingthesecret.com/

And, of course, you can read through my blog. God has done a miraculous work in my life and I trust He can do the same in yours!

Love,

Robin

Olyvia’s Story

It was twenty-six years ago I sat across from a high risk OBGYN as he explained to me this little boy I was carrying appeared to have multiple birth defects due to a drug I was taking for epilepsy. These expected birth defects would make the quality of life for my baby and me very poor; he suggested I abort. 

I was only sixteen years old, an honor roll student, with a goal of becoming a lawyer. I was in love with my high school boyfriend and knew he and his family were not supportive of me keeping the baby. I was confused, angry, sad, and ashamed and wanted it all to go away. Somehow I had convinced myself this could never happen to me!

This doctor reminded me that I had my whole life before me and bringing a fetus into the world would only hurt me and that fetus in the long term. I remember thinking how much I hated the word fetus and at the same time how much I hated myself. I was already so full of fear and was even more confused and lost; yet something rose up in me and I told the expert that abortion wasn't an option. 

A few weeks later I was struggling and wondering if I was making the right choice for this little baby and myself. I was approached by a woman who didn't know me or my story but was brave enough to share with me what God had instructed her to say. She sat down beside me, put her hand on my expanding stomach and spoke words which would begin to change the trajectory of how I viewed everything. She said, "God told me to tell you this baby you’re carrying is a girl. She will be completely healthy and she will be a mouthpiece for the broken.”

On July 15, 1992, a beautiful, healthy, baby girl was born and I stared in awe of how two things that God had said would happen, actually did! As Bekkah grew I noticed how easily she spoke up for those who were less fortunate and even at a young age her passion for injustice to be remedied took center stage in her heart and mind. I have watched in the last 5 years as the Lord has used her to speak up for victims of human trafficking and work tirelessly to help them each find healing and freedom.Today, the young woman who was supposed to be a boy with multiple birth defects accepted the job title: State of Ohio Human Trafficking Liaison. She will be the only liaison in this great state BUT she will not be alone! I often think about all of the young women who may have not found freedom from trafficking if Bekkah wasn’t here; you can never fully know what little world changer is in your womb.

If I could go back and talk to that scared sixteen year old girl I would say the following: 

1. Don’t hate yourself! Embrace and love yourself enough to realize you are stronger than what you think. 

2. God knew all about this baby long before you even knew she existed. Trust Him with your life and your little baby’s life! “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:13-16

3. God created you and this baby for a purpose; don’t allow fear to keep you from missing God’s gift to you and the world! Jeremiah 1:5, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

4. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it! I lost friends and found being a single mom was not easy at all. Sleepless nights and scraping pennies to buy diapers was a daily event early on. However, those little things were far outweighed by Bekkah’s first steps, her little laugh, her inquisitive nature and her desire to run through life at full speed. I look at my daughter 26 years later and am beyond thankful that I chose not to abort! I am so much better because her life made me reevaluate my life and goals. 

5. Having Bekkah taught me what love was supposed to be. I never really knew how to love until I met Jesus and held this little life which was completely dependent on me. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13:4-8

The Big Lie

I call abortion the Big Lie.

It's actually formed of many smaller lies, each one equally destructive.

Perhaps you have believed some of them. Here are a few:

It's only a piece of tissue.
The risk is minimal.
In a few hours, your problem will be gone.
There are no lasting effects.
It's not a baby until it can live outside the womb.
The child is better off dead than unwanted.
You aren't able to care for a child.
You are alone.
You can never be forgiven.

Some of these lies are told by those who make a living off of abortion, some are told by family and friends (concerned for you and/or themselves), and some are told to the depths of your soul by an enemy who seeks to use your choice to destroy you.

Today, I learned that the legalization of the Big Lie is actually rooted in deception. The case of Roe v. Wade is, in itself, a big lie.  - http://liveactionnews.org/7-things-didnt-know-jane-roe-roe-v-wade/

Please don't believe the lies. Here are some truths:

At 5 weeks, or 3 weeks after conception, a baby's heart starts beating and the brain begins to form.
While early abortions carry low physical risk, the emotional and spiritual risk is high for all.
The lasting effects of abortion cause all kinds of issues from shame to depression to suicide.
God ordains life and life begins at conception.
Every child is created for a purpose and should be celebrated and nurtured.
There are many resources for those needing support - financial, mental, physical, emotional.
You are never alone.
God's grace and mercy know no bounds. His love is extravagant and He loves you no matter what!

Love,

Emily's mom

Always Amazed by His Grace

I am always amazed by God's grace with me, His faithfulness, His close attention, and His perfect timing.

Dave and I were just talking, tonight, about the grace in our lives, the unmerited favor poured over us daily. As we consider our pasts and recognize that any number of our choices could have led to death (and one of mine did, the death of my child) we are struck by God's full mercy on us. Truly, salvation would be more than enough but His graces every day blow us away.

I want to share the story of one of those graces given me last week. I have the honor of teaching a Bible class at a county corrections center. The two classes I am assigned to are on sin and salvation and on the future. These topics are perfect opportunities for me to share my testimony. Not surprisingly, each time I share there is at least one woman in the class who has been touched closely by abortion. This past week was no exception. As I was sharing the hope I have that I will hold my child again one day in Heaven, my words were being translated to another woman in the class. Through the translator, she shared an amazing story with us. I might not have every detail correct but I want to share it as I remember it in hopes that it might also give hope to you.

At this woman's mother's church in another country, there was a young man who had a heart attack and went into shock. As they worked to revive him, he had an encounter with a young girl who ran to him and hugged him and told him that she was his sister. He told her that he didn't have a sister and she assured him that what she told him was true. She asked him to tell their mother that she was well and that she loved her and forgave her. As he was recovering, he remembered the meeting and was confused by it. He went to his mother and asked her if he had indeed had a sister. His mother was shocked at the question and began to cry. He told her what had happened and she admitted to him that she had aborted a baby, a little girl! She had always kept it a secret. What an amazing gift of love God had given to her. What hope she must have had for the rest of her days, looking forward to a sweet reunion with her daughter.

And what a gift this woman in my class gave to the two of us in the room who had chosen abortion! I pray that this story blesses your heart and gives you hope as well. I believe that my Emily is in the arms of Jesus and I look forward to being reunited with her someday.

I cannot begin to tell you how powerful our shared stories are. Please, share your story. Someone needs to hear it!

And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. - Revelation 12:11

An unplanned pregnancy or an abortion is not the end of your life, just a part. We are not defined by our choices but by God's great love for us. His grace is enough to cover all sin and shame, provide all we need, and redeem and restore broken lives.

https://vimeo.com/68707011

Do You Know Who You Are?

If I were to ask you, "Who are you?" how would you answer?


Would you define yourself by who you are to others?

I am Susie's mom/ John's wife/ Stacy's daughter.

Would you explain yourself by what you do?

I am a student/ a secretary/ a doctor.

I am a cheerleader/ a swimmer/ a basketball player.

I am a mom.

I am a good cook.

Would you characterize yourself by your strengths?

I am strong/ intelligent/ funny.

I am loving and compassionate.

Or by your weaknesses?

I am lazy/ fat/ forgetful.

I am always wrong.

I run away/ am afraid and unsure.

Would you give your answer based on how you feel?

I am alone/ lonely/ happy/ broken/ lost.

Maybe you would define yourself by the wrongs in your life?

I use drugs. I drink too much.

I had an abortion. I am a teen mom.

I am failing my classes.

We define ourselves in so many ways. This life has a way of molding and shaping who we believe ourselves to be. Our experiences, our choices, our victories, our failures all feed into this description that is formed in our minds. 

We are bombarded with images of what the world says we should strive  to be - 

skinnier, smarter, more physically fit with gorgeous hair, perfect make-up and 

someone who adores us holding our hand. 

We must be more or lag behind, have more or be left out. Appearances are everything. Just scroll through Instagram or Facebook -

the perfect pose at just the right angle, a killer filter, a picture of every fun moment. 

And what do we do with these images? We compare ourselves to them. And we, many times, feel we will never be enough.

Enough to be loved, to be wanted, to be valued.

But that's a HUGE lie!

You are enough. You are Loved. You are wanted and highly valued!

The Truth is that you were created with love for a purpose and are being pursued by the One who created you and loves you enough to die for you. 

Yes, you!

No matter where you have been, what you have done, who you think you are or want to be. 

YOU! Just as you are!

You don't need power, money, status, perfect hair, the best tan. Your value isn't in who you know or who loves you or doesn't. What you do or don't do doesn't define you.

GOD defines you! 

He is full of Truth. He never lies, He never changes, He will never leave you.

He is all you need and you are all He wants. 

YOU! 

Just as you are, right now, whatever that looks like.

Please, dear one, please hear these words and believe them. I know where you are. I know where you have been. It's overwhelming, confusing, painful. Trying to sort out who you are, really, while being constantly being bombarded by thoughts of who you should be or could have been or want to be. It's sometimes so crazy you just want to curl up in a ball and melt away. I know. I have been there and some days, when the lies in my head get louder than the Truths I hold in my heart, I get all twisted up, and...

I lash out. I give up. I give in. I seek out some way to fill the empty spaces.

In the past, that was men, drinking, parties. 
Now it might look like shopping, eating, withdrawing.

NONE of that can fill the empty place in your heart that was designed for God only. 

There is an enemy who seeks to destroy you, 

your peace, your joy. 

He is the Father of Lies. 

Don't fall prey to him.

Soak in the Truth about who you are and what you were created to be! 

Then, when your soul feels empty and raw, 

feed it with what you know in your mind and 

what you have stored up in your heart.

The best and most complete explanation of who you are I have ever seen is in this amazing Father's Love Letter.

Seek Him and you will find Him and where you find Him 

you will find the Truth about yourself.

Love,

Emily's mom

25 Years

Tomorrow, March 10th, marks 25 years since I ended my child's life through abortion. Some 1,300 Saturdays ago I walked up a sidewalk past a group of people praying and pleading me not to go through with my plan. They held graphic signs which I could not see from across the street and shouted things to me that I could not hear because of the headphones I was given by the security guard. I'm not sure what, if anything, could have been done at that point to change my mind anyways.

My brother celebrated his birthday yesterday and it was different for me this year. For the first time in two and a half decades, I thought of his birthday first and then my abortion. The sense of dread that has always accompanied the anniversary of Emily's death was not with me this year. In the days leading up to his birthday, I didn't count up the years to figure out how old she would be this year. I didn't feel the searing shame and regret I have in years past. As I type this, my mind does wander off and become sad with feelings of loss and thoughts of 'what if?' She would be turning 25 this October.

So what of the shame and guilt? You might wonder where it has gone. How in the world can a mother move on from taking the life of her child?

I have to tell you, it has been a long and arduous journey. A journey that led me through denial, anger, extreme sorrow, intense shame and gut-wrenching guilt and embarrassment. But God! The day, almost 12 years ago, that I stood before him, dripping wet in the shower, pleading with Him to forgive me was the day that an ever so small ray of light shined into the dark place in my heart where I had hidden my shameful past. To this day I wonder, if that moment had been recorded, would I be able to hear God's voice played back? He said to my heart and mind so clearly, "What in the world are you talking about?" It was in that moment that His grace and mercy hit me like a Mack truck. I actually laughed, out loud, as I realized that not only had He forgiven me but He had kept no record of my horrible choice. It was the first day of a new healing journey that leads me to this day.

Another nine years of learning and sharing and growing in my faith would pass before I was introduced, by a friend of mine, to a group study called Surrendering the Secret. What incredible healing happened through Pat Layton as she and her friends ministered to my heart. I finally understood the significance of the Cross and was able to process fully through so many emotions and years of mess built up in my heart. It was incredibly freeing to be able to go back in my story with the hope that it would move me forward, to recognize that my secrets were actually a prison I was held captive in, to come to a full understanding of the enemy's destructive intent for my life, to work through my anger both with myself and others, to be able to forgive everyone involved in my abortion and to understand that Jesus forgave me, to exchange my pain and grief for His love and finally, to be able to say goodbye, for the first time, to my beloved child. Oh, the sweet release. A precious time of closure.

I now know she is in the arms of her loving Heavenly Father and I will see her again one day and there is tremendous, life-changing peace in that. My shame and guilt are nailed to the Cross for all eternity and I have exchanged them for a longing in my heart to share my story with others in hopes that lives will be saved, hearts will be healed and understanding will come to all those touched by abortion. One in three women in this country have had at least one abortion and forever linked to those women are the fathers of their babies. My story is their story and theirs is mine. We all are loved by God and His grace is big enough for all of us.

I pray that you, dear one, would find healing, freedom and newness of life in Him as He redeems your past and shows you the wonderful plans He has for you. You are wonderfully made, highly treasured and loved beyond your wildest imagination!

Love,

Emily's Mom