I am always amazed by God's grace with me, His faithfulness, His close attention, and His perfect timing.
Dave and I were just talking, tonight, about the grace in our lives, the unmerited favor poured over us daily. As we consider our pasts and recognize that any number of our choices could have led to death (and one of mine did, the death of my child) we are struck by God's full mercy on us. Truly, salvation would be more than enough but His graces every day blow us away.
I want to share the story of one of those graces given me last week. I have the honor of teaching a Bible class at a county corrections center. The two classes I am assigned to are on sin and salvation and on the future. These topics are perfect opportunities for me to share my testimony. Not surprisingly, each time I share there is at least one woman in the class who has been touched closely by abortion. This past week was no exception. As I was sharing the hope I have that I will hold my child again one day in Heaven, my words were being translated to another woman in the class. Through the translator, she shared an amazing story with us. I might not have every detail correct but I want to share it as I remember it in hopes that it might also give hope to you.
At this woman's mother's church in another country, there was a young man who had a heart attack and went into shock. As they worked to revive him, he had an encounter with a young girl who ran to him and hugged him and told him that she was his sister. He told her that he didn't have a sister and she assured him that what she told him was true. She asked him to tell their mother that she was well and that she loved her and forgave her. As he was recovering, he remembered the meeting and was confused by it. He went to his mother and asked her if he had indeed had a sister. His mother was shocked at the question and began to cry. He told her what had happened and she admitted to him that she had aborted a baby, a little girl! She had always kept it a secret. What an amazing gift of love God had given to her. What hope she must have had for the rest of her days, looking forward to a sweet reunion with her daughter.
And what a gift this woman in my class gave to the two of us in the room who had chosen abortion! I pray that this story blesses your heart and gives you hope as well. I believe that my Emily is in the arms of Jesus and I look forward to being reunited with her someday.
I cannot begin to tell you how powerful our shared stories are. Please, share your story. Someone needs to hear it!
And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. - Revelation 12:11
August 27, 2016
August 25, 2016
An unplanned pregnancy or an abortion is not the end of your life, just a part. We are not defined by our choices but by God's great love for us. His grace is enough to cover all sin and shame, provide all we need, and redeem and restore broken lives.
https://vimeo.com/68707011
https://vimeo.com/68707011
April 9, 2015
Do You Know Who You Are?
If I were to ask you, "Who are you?" how would you answer?
Would you define yourself by who you are to others?
Would you explain yourself by what you do?
Would you characterize yourself by your strengths?
Or by your weaknesses?
Would you give your answer based on how you feel?
Maybe you would define yourself by the wrongs in your life?
We define ourselves in so many ways. This life has a way of molding and shaping who we believe ourselves to be. Our experiences, our choices, our victories, our failures all feed into this description that is formed in our minds.
We are bombarded with images of what the world says we should strive to be -
Enough to be loved, to be wanted, to be valued.
But that's a HUGE lie!
The Truth is that you were created with love for a purpose and are being pursued by the One who created you and loves you enough to die for you.
No matter where you have been, what you have done, who you think you are or want to be.
You don't need power, money, status, perfect hair, the best tan. Your value isn't in who you know or who loves you or doesn't. What you do or don't do doesn't define you.
Please, dear one, please hear these words and believe them. I know where you are. I know where you have been. It's overwhelming, confusing, painful. Trying to sort out who you are, really, while being constantly being bombarded by thoughts of who you should be or could have been or want to be. It's sometimes so crazy you just want to curl up in a ball and melt away. I know. I have been there and some days, when the lies in my head get louder than the Truths I hold in my heart, I get all twisted up, and...
In the past, that was men, drinking, parties.
Now it might look like shopping, eating, withdrawing.
NONE of that can fill the empty place in your heart that was designed for God only.
Then, when your soul feels empty and raw,
The best and most complete explanation of who you are I have ever seen is in this amazing Father's Love Letter.
Love,
Emily's mom
Would you define yourself by who you are to others?
I am Susie's mom/ John's wife/ Stacy's daughter.
Would you explain yourself by what you do?
I am a student/ a secretary/ a doctor.
I am a cheerleader/ a swimmer/ a basketball player.
I am a mom.
I am a good cook.
Would you characterize yourself by your strengths?
I am strong/ intelligent/ funny.
I am loving and compassionate.
Or by your weaknesses?
I am lazy/ fat/ forgetful.
I am always wrong.
I run away/ am afraid and unsure.
Would you give your answer based on how you feel?
I am alone/ lonely/ happy/ broken/ lost.
Maybe you would define yourself by the wrongs in your life?
I use drugs. I drink too much.
I had an abortion. I am a teen mom.
I am failing my classes.
We are bombarded with images of what the world says we should strive to be -
skinnier, smarter, more physically fit with gorgeous hair, perfect make-up and
someone who adores us holding our hand.
We must be more or lag behind, have more or be left out. Appearances are everything. Just scroll through Instagram or Facebook -
the perfect pose at just the right angle, a killer filter, a picture of every fun moment.
And what do we do with these images? We compare ourselves to them. And we, many times, feel we will never be enough.
Enough to be loved, to be wanted, to be valued.
But that's a HUGE lie!
You are enough. You are Loved. You are wanted and highly valued!
The Truth is that you were created with love for a purpose and are being pursued by the One who created you and loves you enough to die for you.
Yes, you!
No matter where you have been, what you have done, who you think you are or want to be.
YOU! Just as you are!
You don't need power, money, status, perfect hair, the best tan. Your value isn't in who you know or who loves you or doesn't. What you do or don't do doesn't define you.
GOD defines you!
He is full of Truth. He never lies, He never changes, He will never leave you.
He is all you need and you are all He wants.
YOU!
Just as you are, right now, whatever that looks like.
I lash out. I give up. I give in. I seek out some way to fill the empty spaces.
In the past, that was men, drinking, parties.
Now it might look like shopping, eating, withdrawing.
NONE of that can fill the empty place in your heart that was designed for God only.
There is an enemy who seeks to destroy you,
your peace, your joy.
He is the Father of Lies.
Don't fall prey to him.
Soak in the Truth about who you are and what you were created to be!
Then, when your soul feels empty and raw,
feed it with what you know in your mind and
what you have stored up in your heart.
The best and most complete explanation of who you are I have ever seen is in this amazing Father's Love Letter.
Seek Him and you will find Him and where you find Him
you will find the Truth about yourself.
Love,
Emily's mom
March 9, 2015
25 Years
Tomorrow, March 10th, marks 25 years since I ended my child's life through abortion. Some 1,300 Saturdays ago I walked up a sidewalk past a group of people praying and pleading me not to go through with my plan. They held graphic signs which I could not see from across the street and shouted things to me that I could not hear because of the headphones I was given by the security guard. I'm not sure what, if anything, could have been done at that point to change my mind anyways.
My brother celebrated his birthday yesterday and it was different for me this year. For the first time in two and a half decades, I thought of his birthday first and then my abortion. The sense of dread that has always accompanied the anniversary of Emily's death was not with me this year. In the days leading up to his birthday, I didn't count up the years to figure out how old she would be this year. I didn't feel the searing shame and regret I have in years past. As I type this, my mind does wander off and become sad with feelings of loss and thoughts of 'what if?' She would be turning 25 this October.
So what of the shame and guilt? You might wonder where it has gone. How in the world can a mother move on from taking the life of her child?
I have to tell you, it has been a long and arduous journey. A journey that led me through denial, anger, extreme sorrow, intense shame and gut-wrenching guilt and embarrassment. But God! The day, almost 12 years ago, that I stood before him, dripping wet in the shower, pleading with Him to forgive me was the day that an ever so small ray of light shined into the dark place in my heart where I had hidden my shameful past. To this day I wonder, if that moment had been recorded, would I be able to hear God's voice played back? He said to my heart and mind so clearly, "What in the world are you talking about?" It was in that moment that His grace and mercy hit me like a Mack truck. I actually laughed, out loud, as I realized that not only had He forgiven me but He had kept no record of my horrible choice. It was the first day of a new healing journey that leads me to this day.
Another nine years of learning and sharing and growing in my faith would pass before I was introduced, by a friend of mine, to a group study called Surrendering the Secret. What incredible healing happened through Pat Layton as she and her friends ministered to my heart. I finally understood the significance of the Cross and was able to process fully through so many emotions and years of mess built up in my heart. It was incredibly freeing to be able to go back in my story with the hope that it would move me forward, to recognize that my secrets were actually a prison I was held captive in, to come to a full understanding of the enemy's destructive intent for my life, to work through my anger both with myself and others, to be able to forgive everyone involved in my abortion and to understand that Jesus forgave me, to exchange my pain and grief for His love and finally, to be able to say goodbye, for the first time, to my beloved child. Oh, the sweet release. A precious time of closure.
I now know she is in the arms of her loving Heavenly Father and I will see her again one day and there is tremendous, life-changing peace in that. My shame and guilt are nailed to the Cross for all eternity and I have exchanged them for a longing in my heart to share my story with others in hopes that lives will be saved, hearts will be healed and understanding will come to all those touched by abortion. One in three women in this country have had at least one abortion and forever linked to those women are the fathers of their babies. My story is their story and theirs is mine. We all are loved by God and His grace is big enough for all of us.
I pray that you, dear one, would find healing, freedom and newness of life in Him as He redeems your past and shows you the wonderful plans He has for you. You are wonderfully made, highly treasured and loved beyond your wildest imagination!
Love,
Emily's Mom
My brother celebrated his birthday yesterday and it was different for me this year. For the first time in two and a half decades, I thought of his birthday first and then my abortion. The sense of dread that has always accompanied the anniversary of Emily's death was not with me this year. In the days leading up to his birthday, I didn't count up the years to figure out how old she would be this year. I didn't feel the searing shame and regret I have in years past. As I type this, my mind does wander off and become sad with feelings of loss and thoughts of 'what if?' She would be turning 25 this October.
So what of the shame and guilt? You might wonder where it has gone. How in the world can a mother move on from taking the life of her child?
I have to tell you, it has been a long and arduous journey. A journey that led me through denial, anger, extreme sorrow, intense shame and gut-wrenching guilt and embarrassment. But God! The day, almost 12 years ago, that I stood before him, dripping wet in the shower, pleading with Him to forgive me was the day that an ever so small ray of light shined into the dark place in my heart where I had hidden my shameful past. To this day I wonder, if that moment had been recorded, would I be able to hear God's voice played back? He said to my heart and mind so clearly, "What in the world are you talking about?" It was in that moment that His grace and mercy hit me like a Mack truck. I actually laughed, out loud, as I realized that not only had He forgiven me but He had kept no record of my horrible choice. It was the first day of a new healing journey that leads me to this day.
Another nine years of learning and sharing and growing in my faith would pass before I was introduced, by a friend of mine, to a group study called Surrendering the Secret. What incredible healing happened through Pat Layton as she and her friends ministered to my heart. I finally understood the significance of the Cross and was able to process fully through so many emotions and years of mess built up in my heart. It was incredibly freeing to be able to go back in my story with the hope that it would move me forward, to recognize that my secrets were actually a prison I was held captive in, to come to a full understanding of the enemy's destructive intent for my life, to work through my anger both with myself and others, to be able to forgive everyone involved in my abortion and to understand that Jesus forgave me, to exchange my pain and grief for His love and finally, to be able to say goodbye, for the first time, to my beloved child. Oh, the sweet release. A precious time of closure.
I now know she is in the arms of her loving Heavenly Father and I will see her again one day and there is tremendous, life-changing peace in that. My shame and guilt are nailed to the Cross for all eternity and I have exchanged them for a longing in my heart to share my story with others in hopes that lives will be saved, hearts will be healed and understanding will come to all those touched by abortion. One in three women in this country have had at least one abortion and forever linked to those women are the fathers of their babies. My story is their story and theirs is mine. We all are loved by God and His grace is big enough for all of us.
I pray that you, dear one, would find healing, freedom and newness of life in Him as He redeems your past and shows you the wonderful plans He has for you. You are wonderfully made, highly treasured and loved beyond your wildest imagination!
Love,
Emily's Mom
November 12, 2014
How Can It Be?
I heard this song today and I wanted to share it here. I hope you like it.
http://youtu.be/Wt5X91ciE6Y
And, here is the story behind the song:
http://youtu.be/4W1_02y3XMY
Love,
Robin
http://youtu.be/Wt5X91ciE6Y
And, here is the story behind the song:
http://youtu.be/4W1_02y3XMY
Love,
Robin
November 9, 2014
Faking It
My husband told me yesterday that I consider things deeply. Lately, I have felt very shallow. Like I am skimming over the surface of life. Numb, maybe. Emotionally flat for sure. Until this weekend.
I believe the tide began to roll for me this past Thursday. I felt so uncertain of the words I was speaking. I was feeling overwhelmed not being able to get my thoughts in order to express them clearly. I was caught up by a statement someone made about being tired of faking. It stuck with me.
Over the weekend, I attended a ladies retreat with a bunch of women I love dearly. I hadn't seen many of them for awhile and all asked how things were going for me. Of course, I responded with a smile and a head nod, "I'm well." Each time, I answered the question, I felt more fake. Well, sort of. I mean I am well. My health is good, my family is amazing, I was in the company of people I love, God is showing us great things, we are embarking on a new adventure. I had nothing to complain about and so many things to be thankful for. But still, there has been something nagging at my soul, rattling around in my thoughts, and it wasn't even something I could articulate.
I don't think of myself as a stuffer of feelings and emotions. I am usually pretty transparent and open. Apparently, though, there was junk lurking deep that has been causing all kinds of mess. Retreats allow focus and quiet and often open up deep places. This one brought some things to the surface that need to be dealt with. I thought I would share some of my revelation with you all in case you struggle with these things too.
One of the themes of the week seems to be faking. So, that's the first one I will tackle.
Our perception of people's expectations and ideas about us sometimes cause us to set a standard for ourselves. We are not intentionally deceitful. Many times, we don't want to bring others down. Most times, there isn't time to explain fully what is going on in our hearts and minds. Sometimes, we don't even know what is bothering us and so it's easier to say we are fine. And, all of the time, we are concerned about what others might think of us. If we verbalize our struggles, will people think we are whiny, off-balance, ungrateful, wimpy, incoherent, irrational, silly, vulnerable, bad?
What I have learned and needed to be reminded of is that there is immense value in sharing our stories and struggles. Confessing our weaknesses and insecurities to others relieves us of our burdens and frees us, allows people to speak truth to us when all we are hearing in our heads is lies, allows us to be known to others and opens up the opportunity for others to be known by us, causes people to pray for us, and, so many times, it shows the person we are sharing with that we share similar struggles.
Some stories are harder to share than others. We believe that abortion is so shame-full that we can't possibly share our story. Others will hate us, leave us, gossip about us, think we are horrible people. These are great lies used to isolate us, to hold us prisoner to our mess, to keep us from giving God any credit for our healing, to steal our joy, to keep others in their own hell thinking they are the only ones with this tragic story, and to perpetuate the huge lie that abortion doesn't affect most women emotionally.
The fact is that 1 in 3 American women under the age of 45 have had at least one abortion. There are surely men affected by each of those as well as family members and siblings. There are so many hurting people in our country and around the world and most are suffering silently, alone, too ashamed and fearful to reach out.
We are not alone in our pain and struggles. We need each other. Someone needs to hear your story to help them survive theirs.
You need to share your story to start the healing in your own heart. If you have never shared before, find someone you trust and open up to them. Chances are, they will take you into their arms and comfort you and love you.
If God has been working in your heart to heal you, share what He has done for you with someone who needs to hear it. Sharing His love and compassion and power always brings Him glory and gives hope to the ones with whom you share. You have been given a tremendous gift. Share it!
If you have never had an abortion and someone trusts you with their story, listen to them with compassion, love them and comfort them. It is a very hard story to tell and takes incredible courage to share.
We were created to be in relationship with others. This life is more rich and bearable when we do it together. If you have been faking your way through life, no matter the reason, get real! There are others who need to know the real you.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you extravagantly and longs for you to be whole. He is the great redeemer and He has great plans for YOU!
Love,
Robin
I believe the tide began to roll for me this past Thursday. I felt so uncertain of the words I was speaking. I was feeling overwhelmed not being able to get my thoughts in order to express them clearly. I was caught up by a statement someone made about being tired of faking. It stuck with me.
Over the weekend, I attended a ladies retreat with a bunch of women I love dearly. I hadn't seen many of them for awhile and all asked how things were going for me. Of course, I responded with a smile and a head nod, "I'm well." Each time, I answered the question, I felt more fake. Well, sort of. I mean I am well. My health is good, my family is amazing, I was in the company of people I love, God is showing us great things, we are embarking on a new adventure. I had nothing to complain about and so many things to be thankful for. But still, there has been something nagging at my soul, rattling around in my thoughts, and it wasn't even something I could articulate.
I don't think of myself as a stuffer of feelings and emotions. I am usually pretty transparent and open. Apparently, though, there was junk lurking deep that has been causing all kinds of mess. Retreats allow focus and quiet and often open up deep places. This one brought some things to the surface that need to be dealt with. I thought I would share some of my revelation with you all in case you struggle with these things too.
One of the themes of the week seems to be faking. So, that's the first one I will tackle.
Our perception of people's expectations and ideas about us sometimes cause us to set a standard for ourselves. We are not intentionally deceitful. Many times, we don't want to bring others down. Most times, there isn't time to explain fully what is going on in our hearts and minds. Sometimes, we don't even know what is bothering us and so it's easier to say we are fine. And, all of the time, we are concerned about what others might think of us. If we verbalize our struggles, will people think we are whiny, off-balance, ungrateful, wimpy, incoherent, irrational, silly, vulnerable, bad?
What I have learned and needed to be reminded of is that there is immense value in sharing our stories and struggles. Confessing our weaknesses and insecurities to others relieves us of our burdens and frees us, allows people to speak truth to us when all we are hearing in our heads is lies, allows us to be known to others and opens up the opportunity for others to be known by us, causes people to pray for us, and, so many times, it shows the person we are sharing with that we share similar struggles.
Some stories are harder to share than others. We believe that abortion is so shame-full that we can't possibly share our story. Others will hate us, leave us, gossip about us, think we are horrible people. These are great lies used to isolate us, to hold us prisoner to our mess, to keep us from giving God any credit for our healing, to steal our joy, to keep others in their own hell thinking they are the only ones with this tragic story, and to perpetuate the huge lie that abortion doesn't affect most women emotionally.
The fact is that 1 in 3 American women under the age of 45 have had at least one abortion. There are surely men affected by each of those as well as family members and siblings. There are so many hurting people in our country and around the world and most are suffering silently, alone, too ashamed and fearful to reach out.
We are not alone in our pain and struggles. We need each other. Someone needs to hear your story to help them survive theirs.
You need to share your story to start the healing in your own heart. If you have never shared before, find someone you trust and open up to them. Chances are, they will take you into their arms and comfort you and love you.
If God has been working in your heart to heal you, share what He has done for you with someone who needs to hear it. Sharing His love and compassion and power always brings Him glory and gives hope to the ones with whom you share. You have been given a tremendous gift. Share it!
If you have never had an abortion and someone trusts you with their story, listen to them with compassion, love them and comfort them. It is a very hard story to tell and takes incredible courage to share.
We were created to be in relationship with others. This life is more rich and bearable when we do it together. If you have been faking your way through life, no matter the reason, get real! There are others who need to know the real you.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who loves you extravagantly and longs for you to be whole. He is the great redeemer and He has great plans for YOU!
Love,
Robin
December 4, 2013
Will You Share Your Life?
Dear Readers,
I hope that your visit to this site has provided something of value to you - some comfort, some insight, some revelation, some healing.
My story is out now and I will continue to add more as it comes to me to be shared. There is so much value in sharing our stories with one another. Hearing others' stories helps us feel not so alone in our pain, shows us that healing can happen and so offers hope, gives us compassion for others by putting a name and person to an issue and binds our lives together on a very basic level by showing we all have the same basic needs.
I want to invite you to share your stories here on my blog. If you have been affected by abortion in any way, whether you are the one who has had one or you have a friend or loved one who has. Maybe you are or were a clinic worker and can share some insight that would be helpful for others who are considering one or are an advocate for abortion. Maybe you just have a question about something in my blog. I would love to hear from you.
Simply subscribe to the comments and/or posts (so that you can see yours and others' stories when posted) and then either write your story or question under one of the posts. My site requires my approval on all comments so I will review it prior to posting. I encourage you to share your identity and even a picture but it is not required and I will definitely conceal your identity if you so wish. Please be clear about your request in your comment.
Your story is your story so, although I might fix grammatical or spelling errors for the ease of reading (and because they drive me nuts and I can't help myself ;) ) I will not change your story or leave parts out. The only thing I ask is that you share in a way that is helpful and healing to others. I will read every comment but I will not share, publicly, those that would be harmful to others and I will not post profanity. Please choose your words wisely so that all can hear your story without being distracted by offensive language.
Your story is your story but is also the story of so many others. It has the power to change lives and to help in healing others and changing minds and opinions. Our lives are all connected and we are all connected to every life to come. Your story could save a life. I hope you will share.
With all my love,
Robin
I hope that your visit to this site has provided something of value to you - some comfort, some insight, some revelation, some healing.
My story is out now and I will continue to add more as it comes to me to be shared. There is so much value in sharing our stories with one another. Hearing others' stories helps us feel not so alone in our pain, shows us that healing can happen and so offers hope, gives us compassion for others by putting a name and person to an issue and binds our lives together on a very basic level by showing we all have the same basic needs.
I want to invite you to share your stories here on my blog. If you have been affected by abortion in any way, whether you are the one who has had one or you have a friend or loved one who has. Maybe you are or were a clinic worker and can share some insight that would be helpful for others who are considering one or are an advocate for abortion. Maybe you just have a question about something in my blog. I would love to hear from you.
Simply subscribe to the comments and/or posts (so that you can see yours and others' stories when posted) and then either write your story or question under one of the posts. My site requires my approval on all comments so I will review it prior to posting. I encourage you to share your identity and even a picture but it is not required and I will definitely conceal your identity if you so wish. Please be clear about your request in your comment.
Your story is your story so, although I might fix grammatical or spelling errors for the ease of reading (and because they drive me nuts and I can't help myself ;) ) I will not change your story or leave parts out. The only thing I ask is that you share in a way that is helpful and healing to others. I will read every comment but I will not share, publicly, those that would be harmful to others and I will not post profanity. Please choose your words wisely so that all can hear your story without being distracted by offensive language.
Your story is your story but is also the story of so many others. It has the power to change lives and to help in healing others and changing minds and opinions. Our lives are all connected and we are all connected to every life to come. Your story could save a life. I hope you will share.
With all my love,
Robin
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